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37 Funniest Marriage Tweets

37 Funniest Marriage Tweets


If you’re about to say I do then here’s a view from inside, the tender (!?!) moments couples share with the world about what life is really like once the confetti has blown away and the ‘…and they lived happily ever after…’ becomes more of a “…and she managed to make it through another day without burying him under the patio…”

Some of these tweets might seem cruel, some might seem unlikely and some might make you want you to add a few clauses into a pre-nup but one thing they all have in common is that they’re utterly hilarious!

Small Victories

It’s the little things in a marriage that really count, no, not the little love notes or surprise bouquet of flowers, but the evening you get sole ownership of the remote control or knowing he still hasn’t found your secret stash of Magnum’s in the freezer.

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Keeping that special spark of romance is vitally important in keeping the joy in your marriage. Although keeping a sense of humour is possibly more important if you’re both going to make it through in one piece.

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Knowing Who’s Boss

If someone were ever to write a training manual for husbands (and someone really should!) then chapter one should be entitled “Knowing Who’s Boss”. Once that has been established marriage just becomes so much easier. Oh and just for the record (and any men reading this), it’s not the husband.

Love is…

Without true love, marriage is just two people sharing a house staring at the same telly. And while this next set of tweets might not perfectly sum up what love is, they certainly strike an all too familiar chord for many spouses.

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Division of Labour

When it comes to sharing the jobs during your married life, to borrow a phrase, ‘It ain’t what you do it’s the way that you do it’. In the husband’s case it would appear the way he normally does things can be placed in a category marked as “Wrong”.

Little Lies

There are two legal phrases that most people can quote fairly accurately;

• “…to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health…”
• “… swear to tell the truth, whole truth and nothing but the truth…”

Thankfully for most married couples those two quotes aren’t taken from the same occasion.

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