We all have an image of how our perfect big day will unfold. But what happens when things go a little sideways? When life delivers those wedding curveballs none of us saw coming? Whether you’re a guest, bridesmaid or the blushing (inwardly cringing) bride, here’s 12 things no one wants to see at a wedding.
Someone wearing the same dress. You’ve spent months finding the perfect wedding dress and then the groom’s mother turns up wearing exactly the same thing as you. She’s even wearing the same veil!
Having Aunt Linda make the cake seemed like a great money saving idea. Sadly, the result looks like every contestant ever booted off the 1st round of Bake Off have got together to vent their anger in one overbaked, hideously decorated, soggy bottomed monstrosity.
Weddings are definitely not the place to pop the question. If the bride sees someone going down on one knee he’d better be tying his shoes lace, NOT doing anything that might steal her spotlight.
Wedding flash mobs are great on YouTube, but the reality rarely lives up to the hype. Seeing the groomsmen suddenly burst into an *NSYNC dance routine they just put together last night is awks for all concerned.
Fine if it’s someone else’s dad, excruciating if it’s your own. Especially when he convinces himself that now is exactly the right moment to attempt a back flip. “Hello? Yes, an ambulance please.”
The only thing worse than a flash mob or dad dancing is the weird couple (no one is really sure whose relatives they are) getting grossly inappropriate with their dance moves. Get a room… Preferably in a different hotel. In a different county!
Everyone loves a good wedding toast, but a bad wedding speech is just excruciating. It’s the one occasion when you’re all with the best man in wishing the ground would open up and swallow him. Nice guy but the worst speech ever!
The Little Singer’s Encore
The groom’s goddaughter sang a song. Great, we all “Ahhhd “and “Isn’t she cute’d” but her parents have insisted she do another song, which has turned into four more songs and now her tiny tones are like nails down a chalkboard, only less tuneful and with some questionable lyrics that Taylor Swift probably didn’t intend a 4yr old to sing.
The Buffet Opens…
While you’re in the loo. Having not eaten since before the four-hour ceremony, two-hour photographs and a line up/meet and greet newlywed shaky hand thing, you have been watching the buffet table like a (very very hungry) hawk. You left the room for two minutes and now you’re last in a queue of 150. Aaargh!
Funny vicars are brilliant, they can create the most wonderful occasion. Sadly vicars that aren’t funny but really want to be, can add an extra two hours to the perceived length of the ceremony. Less jokes, faster hymns, there’s a free bar we’re all dying to get to here people!
Little Red Light
The videographer suddenly pops up, asking you to say a message to the Mr & Mrs. The little red light is blinking and suddenly you can’t think of a thing to say… “I liked the salmon starter… Erm, oh yes and have a nice er wedding, life, marriage thingy.” #cringe
The vicar asks, “Do you take this man…” and the bride seems to take an eternity to answer. It was actually just tenths of a second but it felt like an ice age. And boy did things get cold for a second there. But all’s well that ends well.